This blog probably doesn’t just apply to Tinder, it also applies to other dating apps and sites… But ‘Trich’ and ‘Tinder’ are alliterative, so here we are.
Now, Tinder is intended to be a quick and easy way to meet people. You like someone, you swipe right; you don’t you swipe left. If you match with someone, you can pop up and talk to them. Although, people actually popping up is not as common as you’d think it is.
I’ve had Tinder on-and-off since before I was bald so I have quite a good understanding on how it works. In case you are wondering, I am one of those people who hates Tinder, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to delete it, despite hardly going on it and it just taking up precious memory on my phone.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made some friends on there who I talk to on occasion, and as someone who doesn’t find themselves attractive in the slightest, it feels like quite an achievement when I do get a match.
And now that I’ve shaved all my hair off, it has made Tinder that bit more exciting – and annoying.
It’s exciting because it seems to me like the people I match with now are different kinds of people to those I matched with when I had a head full of hair.
It’s annoying because the lack of hair is a subject that comes up in all conversations, no matter what. Whether it’s the first thing they say to me or they drop it in in the middle of a different conversation topic entirely, it’s something I can’t avoid.
I actually have the explanation saved in my phone ready to copy and paste when needed because I felt like a track stuck on repeat whenever I typed the same thing to a different person.
I prefer people to just ask straight away and get it over with, because otherwise I get into this mind set and get all my hopes up, thinking: “IT DOESN’T BOTHER THEM!”
And then the questions come.
I just feel the need to say that I am not a terrible person: I understand people are curious and want to know so as to not be insensitive to whatever my situation is and I genuinely don’t mind people asking me – that’s not the issue. I just don’t see why it matters.
I don’t think I look bad with a shaved head (or I wouldn’t take so many selfies!), but I acknowledge that I had my reasons for doing it.
But what if I’d just wanted a shaved head, just because? Because if that was the case, I’d probably be pissed off about people questioning my choice to do that. I know a shaved head is not the ‘norm’ for girls, but it’s 2016: surely a girl can just shave her head without having ulterior motives.
Or worse, what if I was ill, the way people assume I am? Wouldn’t it be upsetting for me to just be asked outright? If I looked at someone who I thought was ill, the last thing I’d do was point it out. I’d wait for them to tell me their situation.
As I’ve said, I understand that it is an unusual situation and people are going to wonder about it. What I’m trying to say is that I wish I had the right to get to know someone first before having to tell them what I feel is personal information about me. And not only that, but doing so on my own time.
I mean, I suffer from depression and anxiety and have done since my early teens but I don’t drop that into the beginnings of a conversation with someone new. For some reason, I don’t think that would go down too well:
One thing I will say is that people are really nice about it. I’ve never been in a real relationship before and when I shaved my head, the pessimist that I am just assumed that I’d killed any chances at any relationship for the foreseeable future. So it is comforting knowing that people do approach asking me the delicate way they do, just in case. Here are some examples of the messages I’ve received, and for the sake of being positive, I’ve not included any of the ‘less kind’ messages I’ve received.
In all honesty, I don’t think Tinder is where I’ll meet the love of my life. For one, right now, I’m in a relationship with myself – not in a sad way, but in a ‘taking care of myself’ kind of way, which has never been something I’ve been good at.
Over the years, it’s became second-nature for me to put myself last. This is because it’s always seemed much easier to put others needs before mine, mostly because dealing with my own would involve taking the time to understand what my needs actually are. But one thing about doing something as drastic as shaving all your hair off to stop yourself pulling it out, is that it’s a shock to the system. Before I did it, I had been ignoring my Trich and telling myself it was under control because I didn’t want to admit how big a problem it was and worry those close to me. Making the decision to shave it off – and for my own reasons, too – was the most selfish thing I’d done for a long time and, as it turns out, the best thing for me.
But I digress. While Tinder is not where I’ll find true love and probably not even a relationship, it has been there for me when I’ve needed it to be, and given me the confidence boost I’ve needed whenever I’ve felt like I look like Uncle Fester from The Addams Family. Earlier on, I did say I hated Tinder, but even I can’t deny that it has, in a way, been there for me in a time of need. And I think for that, I’ll always be a little bit grateful to it.